About Chris
Why I created Emotional Life Support
I know what it is like to lose sight of the life beyond separation.
Having experienced my parents' divorce, I entered marriage determined to keep my own family together. But after more than a decade, it became clear that neither of us was happy. Important needs were not being met, communication had become difficult, and our marriage was no longer working for either of us. We had kept going for longer than perhaps we should have.
Even so, accepting that we needed to separate was incredibly difficult. Our lives were completely intertwined, and I could not imagine what life apart would look like. More than anything, I could not bear the thought of going from seeing my two children every day to seeing them only some of the time.
The divorce took almost two years and eventually involved legal costs approaching £100,000, money I deeply wish had not needed to be spent. I tried to communicate calmly, focus on the facts and keep moving forward, but there were times when the process felt endless. I felt trapped, overwhelmed and unable to cope with things I would normally have handled.
At the same time, I was undergoing high-intensity chemotherapy. I have beaten cancer twice and have also been through radiotherapy, but there were days on the cancer ward when cancer did not feel like the biggest thing I was facing. Missing my children did.
At my lowest, I was not suicidal or planning to harm myself. But I had lost my sense of purpose. I struggled to understand what my life was for or to imagine a future beyond what I was going through. Friends and family did their best, but none of them had experienced anything similar. Being told “it will be all right” did not help when nobody could tell me what “all right” might look like or how long it would take to get there.
I needed someone who understood, someone who could listen without offering false reassurance, help me make sense of my options and support me through the overwhelm one step at a time.
I did not handle every moment perfectly. With the experience I have now, I would approach some things differently. The right support would not have made the difficult realities disappear, but I believe it could have helped me make clearer decisions, feel less alone and avoid some unnecessary time, cost and stress.
Rebuilding involved creating new friendships, learning to parent on my own, prioritising my physical and mental health, and building a new home for myself and my children. At first, making every decision alone felt strange. Gradually, it became part of regaining control of a life that had felt beyond my control for so long.
In 2023, I first walked into ANDYSMANCLUB because I was struggling with my marriage and did not know what to do. I discovered that I was not alone and that it really is okay to talk. I later became a volunteer facilitator, helping to run its weekly peer-to-peer support groups and create a safe place where men can speak openly about how they feel.
I am also training to become a listening volunteer with Samaritans. That training is helping me become a more empathetic and attentive listener, and better able to provide emotional support to people experiencing difficult situations.
My volunteer roles and training are separate from Emotional Life Support. Neither organisation provides or endorses this service.
My life is not perfect and my rebuilding is not finished. But I have gone from dreading the morning to feeling optimistic about the future. I am building a life with purpose and meaning, working out who I am and what I want, and making it happen.
I will never assume that my experience is the same as yours. But I understand how frightening, lonely and overwhelming separation can become, and how much difference it makes when someone listens, understands and stays alongside you while you find your way forward.